6 Real Bible Verses We're Hoping God Gives Us A Pass On | Michael Swaim Goes Medieval

Michael Swaim returns to Cracked’s YouTube channel to look at some Bible verses that really should have been cut.


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Writer/Narrator: Michael Swaim
Editor: Jordan Breeding
Illustration: Winston Rowntree
Animation: Tony Wilson

Michael’s Patreon: patreon.com/smallbeans
Jordan’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/The_J_Breeding
Jordan’s Writing Portfolio: https://thejordanbreedingblog.wordpress.com/2017/03/22/portfolio/
Winston’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/winstonrowntree/
Tony’s Website: tonywilson.net

00:00 – The Return Of Michael Swaim
02:19 – LEVITICUS 19:19
04:07 – GENESIS: 38:9
05:17 – DEUTERONOMY 23:1
05:38 – DEUTERONOMY 25:11-12
07:42 – KINGS 2:23-25
08:05 – MATTHEW 21:18-22

#MichaelSwaim #SmallBeans #Bible


#Bibleverses, #Bible prayers, #BibleInspiration, #BooksoftheBible, #PeopleoftheBible, #BibleProphecy


  1. Cracked says:

    If you don't know who Michael Swaim is (or just curious what he's up to now), check out his channel Small Beans! Might I suggest starting with this podcast he did with Jordan? >>> https://youtu.be/oIYCRQgGRM8

  2. Jorge Bustillos says:

    Michael Swaim is my hero

  3. kapsi says:

    Michael looking older and fatter, but that voice is still like a beautiful sweet dessert

  4. Chad Powell says:

    too much shaking
    but good

  5. Flyzoola says:

    His face changed wth

  6. EZIO AUDITORE says:

    This guy ate Michael Swaim

  7. Rodrigo Trujillo says:

    Also, Bring Back ESCORT MISSIONS!!!

  8. Cameron Miller says:

    I love the irony. Making fun of what he needs most.

  9. Gordon Ligon says:

    More Swaim please

  10. Devin Sullivan says:

    That's funny, my first thought was, "This background is much more lively". I hadn't even noticed the android had accumulated a face warmer until it mentioned it.

  11. Rick Hamilton says:

    Im so glad everyones favorite mandroid has dodged dying. How's clippy?

  12. anthony zilinski says:

    I love this man.

  13. Instantly Broken says:

    I've watched this video, but I'm pretty sure it came on auto-play. So I totally missed the part where this is on cracked. I must have been on the phone or something Oh, I thought this is on small beans

  14. Colbyisfun says:

    It's a sad, sad day when I finally realized that cracked does not have a dislike button. Sorry guys well I didn't even about the video it's about the principal. Bless y'all keep up all the good work.

  15. B K says:

    Damn, I really haven’t watched since all the old crew left. Awesome! Glad to see you back!!

  16. King Kingsley says:

    Murderers are not let into heaven at all

  17. E says:

    Please bring back After hours

  18. Theeny says:

    Yess, I missed Michael! Now all I need is Daniel and Soren to complete the gang or, as I like to call them, the 'orig trig'.

  19. kourii says:

    'Unter' as the Hell equivalent for Uber was satisfyingly clever

  20. Alexander Bila says:

    michael is still the best. i miss dan, too

  21. TheWarmotor says:

    I love you, Mr. Swaim. In a very real and sexual way, and I will never call attention to the fact that your face has ALWAYS looked like a photoshop where you squish all of the features into a tiny portion in the middle.

    However, in case no one has pointed it out – When the Lord incarnated himself as man we got what they call the 'New Covenant' which means all of the old testament weirdness you're pointing out here was null and void unless you're Jewish, who don't actually believe in heaven anyway, I think. Sorry, my dude.

  22. Kamel says:

    Until this, I love cracked. I don't condone taking words out of context regardless of who it's geared towards.

  23. 5MinuteEarth says:

    Sir Swaim, the world truly needs your unique brand of sardonicism.

  24. Julie Jay says:

    Comedy Gold!!

  25. evormanweenor says:


  26. D R says:

    The return of Michael! Fuck yes! Fantastic decision on the part of Cracked. Michael you kick ass! #agedtoperfection #imissdaniel #afterhours #sorenandkatietoo

  27. no one worth knowing says:

    i have so many questions. when/who/why was cracked resurrected? why was it even shut down in the first place? is it any good now? is anyone else from the old squad coming back?

    i have more but im not all that confident anyone will respond

  28. johnecoapollo7 says:

    The Man, The Myth, The Legend!!!

  29. Josh Doyal says:

    Is it just me or did anyone else get a bunch of godly ads because of the title of the video?

  30. SuperKing604 says:

    It wasn’t aging bro its the alcoholism and the subsequent weight gain, i hope you getting well. You are young u can shed the weight trust me its worth it u feel so much better

  31. Splice Central says:

    Please save cracked from that cringe Soyboy who thinks he's funny!

  32. khartog01 says:

    So God won't let into heaven for crushed balls but will allow you to own other humans as property.

  33. Zay Morgan says:

    Oh look it’s the dude from IGN

  34. shelby tanase says:

    we missed you, glad u are back! 😀

  35. corvid says:

    this is genius, so well written and a beautiful surprise… i sure do love me some swaim… also the glasses on the desk behind him have now forced me go binge AoC… which i realize is a very confusing statement for those unaware of the Michael and Dan masterpiece and only know the awesome actual person

  36. Ken Barber says:

    I watched this 3 weeks ago and keep coming back to Cracked wanting more Swaim

  37. Funny Pickle says:

    Oh man. Cracked is shit after you guts left. Almost beneath you now. But if you are back for ever maybe you can save it from the vegans.

  38. Veins says:

    i love the presentation and art style!

  39. Ye Old Underpants Gnome says:

    I'm so willing to tolerate your return! You have succumbed to the aging process and degraded into an inferior form much as the rest of us! So enjoy the heroine and blow, continue to do your stuff.